my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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