dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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