i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize