ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
