Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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