Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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