Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
