Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
