My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
