I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish i was in the wii world.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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