My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
