Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
