Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
