I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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