I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
