If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
