I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
