It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
