Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
