He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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