Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
