I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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