i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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