Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
