You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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