If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
where are my pants?
in the oven.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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