just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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