There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
