Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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