Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
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I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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