How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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