I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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