I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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