ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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