It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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