You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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