she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize