I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Four minutes until I can fart!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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