"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
