I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize