We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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