At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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