Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
