I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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