i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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