the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I want a musical about memes.
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