question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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