nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
