Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
