So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
