Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
