I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
