you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
