i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize