There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
