okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
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