How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
