She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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