I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
