Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How's work?
Spinning.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
