Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
