You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
