dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
