We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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