i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize