so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
