Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
