I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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