the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize