then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
