Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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