The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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