I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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