Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its about making memories worth repressing
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
