I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
