Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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