Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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