Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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