I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
